Okay... Just had to redeem myself after that dramatic and let's just say it, teen angst ridden post upon receiving my rejection letter in January. Everything is on track and I will be a practicing nurse in less than 2 years. And we all know what this movement needs... more vegans in health care!
Okay, we need more vegans in every field. What I want is more vegan friends! I just read an update about an upcoming friend's surprise party. The list of things to bring is very specific and includes an "appetizer" of tri-tip followed by baked brie. I saw "big salad" on the list and was relieved only until I noticed the next words, "with Gorgonzola". Come on! This list should read, "Please bring a calculator and a defibrillator. The latter to save anyone whose heart might stop and the former to add up how many years we are shaving off our lives by eating three different types of saturated animal fats in one sitting. Please RSVP"
To be fair there was a line on the list specifically for Justice and I. It just said, "Something vegan friendly". "Something vegan friendly"!? We go from super specific details about the particular muscle from the dead animal being served to "something..." Well, we just need to do better. "Something vegan friendly" could mean that Justice and I are going to crowd a bowl of Barbecue potato chips all night. Let me tell you, those flimsy chips do not soak up alcohol. So, I am left with my only choice when I spend an evening with Necrophages, (cool new word huh?) I have to bring something super duper awesome and delicious and watch it get eaten up. With every bite I see my ratio of edibles to non edibles at the party disappear.
Here are some of the common scenarios surrounding a vegan dish at a Death Eater's house party...
Scenario 1: "What is it supposed to be?"
Expect this question if you have opted to bring a faux dish. There are many delicious ways to recreate the taste and texture of some of our favorite American fair without exploiting the innocent. Be careful with these dishes. You will be expected to describe in detail how much it tastes like "the real thing". This can be counter productive as many Necrophages will insist on discussing why anyone would choose not to eat carcasses but still flavor their meals like one. Better just to keep your favorite "cheesy" or gluten-y goodies at home where you and a loved one can feast in peaceful solitude.
Scenario 2: "The curious one"
There are many Necrophages out there who really would be vegan. They for one reason or another just can't make the transition. For them a new and cruelty free dish is very interesting. They want to know how anything can taste good without killing or raping and milking something. These party goers are actually usually pretty sweet and good natured. They have a compassionate heart but an insatiable appetite for the flavors that meat affords. To them your food is so appealing that they will talk it up to every person in the room. Be careful. If a curious one gets wind of your vegan dish on the pot luck line, they won't stop until everyone has tried a bite. Depending on the size of the party this could mean no food for you.
Scenario 3: "That dish is vegan-host"
This really is your best case scenario if you are trying to hoard what you brought in an effort to have something to sober up on after the pint sized crock pots have been switched off. You know the dwindling hours of the party when the cold left overs are scoured over by buzzed party guests like the scene in "Charlotte's Web" when the rat goes to the carnival after it closed. Man that part of the movie makes me so hungry... Anyway... This is my ideal situation. Yes, I totally get off watching people eat my food and enjoy it, but I am also very stingy when the only thing at the party without some other creature's bodily fluid in it is what I prepared. During these times a host like this one is optimal. This host will tell everyone going down the food line that your meal is vegan. She will say it with a slight ting of warning in her voice. The other things are foods in her mind, but yours is vegan-food. If you have brought homemade pierogi this is the woman you want introducing your food.
We can't avoid these awkward party moments but with a glass of wine and a friendly attitude you might just push that "curious one" over the edge. And if nothing is left for you to eat, just make a Taco Bell run. Fourth meal, anyone?
